The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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