This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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