You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
