Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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