Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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