is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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