It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
