everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
