living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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