if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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