Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
