were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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