Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
