We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
