Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
