On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
