she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
