I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
