I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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