we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
