Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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