I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
