It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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