ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
