i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
