Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
