I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
