Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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