The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
