you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He kissed a someone with a penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
