Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
