I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
