youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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