I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
