evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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