Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I love you. Go after that dick
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize