A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
