i was born a porn star she said
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
