His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
