someone get that fucking seahorse.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
