Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
