Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize