peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
