I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize