you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
as a side note pls kill me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
