dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
