I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
