it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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