normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
