there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
last night I used snow as a chaser
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
