I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
