You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
