dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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