If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
