Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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