Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
