I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize