i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
