Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
