your parents love me but you hate me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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