She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
