Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize