Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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