I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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