I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
