don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
