pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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