why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
