Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
