I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
