i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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