theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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