Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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