don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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