I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
