If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
