did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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