Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
