I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
