We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize