sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
