I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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