D3 body, D1 cock
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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