I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
