I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize