its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
