I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize