I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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