EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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