A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
