In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
