you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
